Calming the Nervous System: Moving Out of Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

We’ve all experienced moments when our bodies reacted before our minds had time to catch up. A racing heart, tense muscles, or feeling suddenly paralyzed and unable to respond. This is our body’s fight, flight, or freeze response, a built-in survival mechanism designed to protect us from danger. When this system becomes overactive, it can leave us feeling anxious, reactive, or shut down, even in situations that aren’t truly life-threatening. Fawn happens when one of the other three responses are unsuccessful and a person tries to be overly accommodating to try and smooth the situation over. 

Understanding what’s happening in your body is the first step to regaining a sense of calm and control. The fight, flight, freeze or fawn response is triggered by the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, which signals your body to release stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. This reaction is automatic and the amygdala quickly scans for danger and can trigger a strong stress response before the thinking part of the brain has time to catch up. The good news is that with practice, you can help calm the amygdala and teach your body and mind to turn down this alarm, so your response to stress becomes more balanced and less overwhelming.

The Relaxation Response and the Parasympathetic Nervous System

The relaxation response is the body’s natural way of counteracting the stress response (the “fight, flight, or freeze” mode), which is triggered by the amygdala and carried out by the sympathetic nervous system. The relaxation response is supported mainly by the parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS), often called the “rest and digest” system, helping the body return to a state of calm and balance.

When the PSNS is activated, several things happen in the body:

• Heart rate and blood pressure decrease.

• Breathing slows and deepens.

• Muscles relax.

• Digestion and immune function improve.

• The mind becomes clearer and more focused.

  
  

Activating the relaxation response doesn’t just make you feel more calm, it helps regulate the vagus nerve, lowers inflammation, supports emotional regulation, and promotes overall physical and mental health.

Common ways to activate the parasympathetic system include:

• Deep diaphragmatic breathing

• Progressive muscle relaxation

• Meditation or mindfulness practices

• Yoga or gentle movement

• Going out into nature

• Splashing Cold Water on your face

• Humming or singing

  
  

Other activities such as walking, tai chi, qi gong, swimming, massage, and listening to calming music, especially when practiced regularly, can help train the nervous system to recover from stress more efficiently, helping people feel more resilient, grounded, and in control.

When your nervous system is activated, grounding techniques help bring you back to safety. Try the below exercises and see which one works best for you.

1. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise developed by Betty Alice Erickson.

Ground Yourself in the Present Moment

• Name 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• and 1 thing you can taste 

  
  

This helps shift your focus from perceived danger to the present moment.

2. Box Breathing to Calm the Nervous System

Slow, intentional breathing sends a signal to your body that it’s safe to relax. One simple method is box breathing: 

Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, and repeat. 

Deep breathing stimulates the vagus nerve and helps slow your nervous system. Do this anytime you are feeling overwhelmed, need to calm your mind, or take a second to reset. 

3. Move Your Body

Physical movement helps release the energy built up from the fight-or-flight response. Go for a brisk walk, stretch, shake out your arms, or dance, anything that gets energy moving through your body. 

4. Offer Yourself Safety and Compassion

Kristen Neff, has developed a model of self compassion and included in it, many exercises to support well-being. Her exercise, called The Self Compassion Break, can be especially helpful when feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Steps:

Think of a situation in your life that is difficult and causing you stress. Call the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body.

Now, say to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering”, “this hurts”, or “this is stressful” (say whatever feels right for you).

Then say “suffering is a part of life”, or “other people feel this way”, or “I’m not alone”, or “we all struggle in our lives”.

Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest. Or adopt another manner of soothing touch that feels right for you.

Then say “may I be kind to myself”.

You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” Is there another phrase that speaks to you specifically in your particular situation, such as:

• May I give myself the compassion that I need

• May I learn to accept myself as I am

• May I forgive myself

• May I be strong

• May I be patient

  
  

Sometimes, certain situations can make a person feel overwhelmed, numb, or detached. In those moments, remind yourself gently, “I am safe now.” Placing a hand over your heart or giving yourself a soothing touch can help reconnect you with your body and emotions.

5. Do a Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Start by finding a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down.

Let your hands rest gently, and soften your gaze or close your eyes.

Take a slow breath in through your nose… and gently exhale through your mouth. And another…. slow breath in… and out… letting your body know it’s safe to soften.

Start with your hands and arms. Gently curl your hands into fists and tense your forearms and upper arms.

Hold that tension for 3 seconds (3… 2… 1…). Then release the tension, letting your hands soften and your arms feel heavy and relaxed.

Notice the difference between tension… and ease.

Continue this same process for all the areas of your body:

• Neck and Shoulders

• Face and Jaw

• Chest and Stomach

• Legs and Feet

After you have completed all areas, take one more slow, full breath in…and a long, gentle exhale out. Notice your body as a whole. Does it feel heavier, softer, calmer, or something else?

When you’re ready, wiggle your fingers and toes, gently bring some movement back, and slowly open your eyes or lift your gaze.

Remember: Getting out of fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode is not about forcing yourself to “calm down.” It’s about helping your body feel safe again. With patience, awareness, and practice, you can retrain your nervous system to return to balance more easily and respond to life’s challenges with greater steadiness and confidence.